Nieve Ella Wrestles With Self-Doubt In “All My Mess”
Photo via Nieve Ella.
We’re no stranger to Nieve Ella’s pop-rock brilliance, and it seems like the world is finally catching up. In just this past year, she finished her first headline tour, including a sold-out show at London’s KOKO, landed on several artists to watch lists, and released three singles for what seems to belong to a larger unannounced project. Apart from her rough-edged pop sound she’s skillfully crafted over the years, the 22-year-old English singer's star quality lies in her veracious accounts of emotional highs and lows. She pens each of her songs with both the poignancy of a seasoned musician and the fresh naivety of a rising rockstar.
Following the fervent declarations that filled her last EP, Watch It Ache And Bleed, her new single “All My Mess” carries the engulfing weight of self-doubt with the nostalgic, balladic essence of her debut EP, Lifetime of Wanting. It’s no wonder she wrote it in her 19-year-old bedroom. “I was in my first ever relationship, constantly wondering why I was deserving of this love,” she writes in an Instagram post about the track. “I was self-sabotaging, leading with insecurities and I found myself in a place where I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. It’s an apology for my flaws, as that’s all I could see at the time.”
In a confronting moment in Ella’s journey towards self-love, the first few seconds welcome glittery guitars that float atop her reverberating vocals as she croons, “You try way harder than I would ever admit / Apologizing for the shit I did.” With all the energy she has, she revisits a place of insecurity with profoundly gentle hands.
Despite the solemn subject, Ella opens the door to an honest conversation about self-love and its non-linear nature, a theme that resonated with fans before the song’s release. Alongside friend and producer Iain Berryman, the two began the demo back in October 2022, when they first met, burying the sound of Ella’s train to Fred Roberts’ place in the mix.
Her voice looms over the track like the voice in your head you can’t shake: “Then you’ll tell me / That you love every part of my body / And it makes me sick / 'Cause I can’t even / Look at myself in the mirror.” In the accompanying music video directed by Millie Jamieson, Ella’s lyricism comes to life in intimate, fragile shots of the moments we are our most vulnerable selves and susceptible to the lies our minds try to convince us of–– in our rooms alone.
Where her older self revisits her younger self, the two coexist within the track in its sharp final lines: “So I'll stand hеre shouting at you / 'Cause that's all I've еver known to do / But I love you / I'm sorry for all of my mess.” She slowly dissolves the idea that being loved isn’t a burden by breaking down the insecurities her 19-year-old self clung to.
Ella takes hold of tumultuous feelings with a fearlessness that marks her as a once-in-a-blue-moon songwriter. She’s a rising star you’ll definitely need to keep an eye out for in the new year. Be sure to stream “All My Mess,” now streaming on all of your favorite music platforms.
