honestav On His Debut EP, “hara-kiri”
Twelve years in the making, honestav’s debut EP, “hara-kiri,” was released on November 8th, 2024. The twelve-track EP navigates his process through grief and self exploration, ending the project with his breakout track, “I’d Rather Overdose,” which accumulated over 88 million streams across all platforms. Fans seem to be attracted to the rawness in his lyrics, containing true tales from his life. Through his music, honestav has an authentic way of connecting to the listeners.
We sat down and spoke with honestav about his latest release, “hara-kiri.”
Throughout the album, I noticed a lot of repeating themes in the lyrics, such as pressure, escapism, individualism, realization. Could you give a brief synopsis about creating this album?
I've been making music for a long time. I think recently people have started to kind of get to know me as a person through my videos and stuff. So when I was putting this album together, I probably recorded 140 songs, I mean, just to create this album. I have a hundred songs that I didn't choose that aren't dropped. I think that whenever I was putting this together and I was writing these, it was just kind of like, it's almost like an introduction of who I am. I talk a lot about things I struggle with. I talk a lot about my family in this. I think it was just whenever I was trying to formulate it, I was really just trying to think, I want people to start to get to know me.
I had written down earlier that it's kind of a snapshot of your mind. I thought the album had an interesting juxtaposition between the sounds. You really never know what sounds are going to, what tempo, what theme you're going to be immersed in when you're listening to the tracks. Such as switching from “Won't Change” to “Wanna Be Like You,” then “Stuck On The Floor.” What was the process like of choosing the songs for this album?
I recorded a bunch. Whenever I signed a record deal, I was probably in the studio for three months and that's when I recorded all these songs except for “Demons & Nightmares.” I made that before “[I’d Rather] Overdose.” And “Wanna Be Like You,” I made that before “Overdose” too. Those were both songs that I wrote right after my dad passed away.
They're not even all my favorite songs that I recorded, but there's just certain stories that I'm telling in these songs that are more early on stories. Like I said, two songs I wrote before “Overdose.” So I think it just told a story of who I am or who I was before life started changing, and in “Won’t Change,” I talk about, okay, life is starting to change now. And so I think a lot of it went into that. I just wanted to keep it real, and it's definitely the flow of the songs. The first song, “Demons & Nightmares,” second song is “Feel Something,” right?
So it's like I'm talking about, “oh man, I'm struggling with this.” And then the next one I'm talking about how I really want to feel something. You know what I'm saying? I am craving some type of feeling that's not fucking freaking sad all the time. And then it goes into number three, “Hurts To Fall In Love.” And then that one's kind of like, “man, I want to feel something.” And the next song it flows into, “okay, I'm starting to feel stuff.” I think I just try to make the flow of the songs kind of go and tell the story for me.
One of my favorite songs was “Heathen” and I really love the line, “I guess I'll get some fucking rest inside of a coffin.” What inspires a lot of your lyrics since they're all really personal and really raw. What's that process like?
Writing lyrics for me is like, I got to experience shit. Lately I've been kind of sad, and before people started listening to my music, life was getting tough. And I think that really my only way to deal with stuff is to write about it. And so that's the whole idea of this project is different stories and things that I went through. I just wanted to write about 'em. And that lyric specifically, there's an MGK song where he says something about, I forget what song it is, he says something about dancing on his coffin. And when I heard that, I was like, man, that is so crazy because you just never really know when you're going to die. And people have died in my life like that, out of nowhere. So I just kind of thought, I guess I'm trying to do my best right now, and I'm trying to put a foot in front of the other every day right now. I'm trying to keep getting better and making better music. And it's like sometimes I want to quit, but it's like, fuck that.
You obtained a pretty large following on social media and were able to really use that to your advantage. So how does it feel being referred to as the ‘broke boyfriend?’ And I quote, that “the broke boyfriend can actually sing.”
First of all, the singing thing is so funny to me because I know good singers. I know real, actual good singers. And so whenever I hear myself sing, I'm like, dude, I don't see it. I love when people say, “oh, the broke boyfriend can sing.” But it's almost like, “are you gaslighting me?”
But dude, I don't mind being referred to as a broke boyfriend. I was telling this story the other day, somebody will come up to me in public and be like, “the broke boyfriend!” And my friends will be like, “what?” And it's like, “nah, dude. I created that persona.” And it's funny, I know who I am and I know that I'm not a fucking asshole to people in general, and I love people. The broke boyfriend is funny, bro. I actually was watching some broke boyfriend videos the other day trying to get inspiration. I'm watching them and I'm thinking, “how do people like this guy?” They saw this video, and they were like, “I want to know what his personality is like.” If I was just watching this, I would probably be like, ew.
You have pretty consistent support through all of your platforms from fans. I think that they're really attracted to the reality of your music because you're sharing stories that sometimes people don't want to share or don't feel comfortable sharing. So if you could go back and give yourself one piece of advice, what would you say?
I think if I could tell my younger self or some young kids some advice, I would tell them that the world is so much bigger than the 20 people around you. You go to school, even if you go to a huge school, you stick around the same 10, 15, 20 people.
And it's like, if they're treating you really nice, you're on this high horse. I think of some of my old friends that were athletes and that were really popular in school, and they were riding this high horse. And then there's the other side of that. If they're being mean to you and they're bullying you, it's like the world is so much bigger than just these people that you're around, and you can get so caught up being young thinking if people don't like you.
There were a lot of people not listening to my music when I was a kid, or maybe they didn't necessarily give me the respect that they gave other kids. I used to think, “oh, I'm fucked. I'm an outcast, everybody hates me. I'm never going to be somebody special.” Listening to what they're saying. But then as soon as I got older, I realized the world is so much bigger than the 20 people around you. And so it's like, if it's not working out where you are, you can always just move, and you can always just go to another group of 20 people. You could fit in somewhere no matter who you are.
What's one goal that you want to accomplish this year?
I want to start smoking weed a little less. But also, I really want to get way better at performing. By the end of next year, I want to be doing back flips off the piano. Shout out to Benson Boone. I met him the other day and I told him that it was the coolest thing I've ever seen.
So why didn’t he teach you to do a backflip?
I can do it right now. Actually, I could. But yeah, get better at performing. Probably smoke less weed.
Keep up with honestav on Spotify, Instagram, and YouTube. Stream his latest EP, “hara-kiri,” here.
Photos via Tori McGraw (@afterr.hourrs)
